So being the overly smart person I am I went in search of your "wrong" word I'm sure it has something to do with this sentence.
“ Wanna hear some crazy shit ?,” Pascal began, “ Before the bombs I heard a Mjollner configed a black clinic leech to do a full conversion,”Maybe I don't know
Not So Original
As mentioned before August was supposed to be little vignettes that would end with Clara’s (one) sister’s wedding in August 31st at Midnight. None of these were written except for one that was called “1954”. As you may have guessed "1954" was chapter five up until the drowning. In essence I just changed it to third person so chapter 5 (and parts of 8) were written first. I didn’t know how to make "1954" tie in with other unpublished vignettes and decided to toss it and make something original.
I did this because after finishing “The Storm” I realized the whole point was that even after burning the sage it didn’t work and Lucie would always haunt them. It felt incomplete.
Chapter 5
I call this chapter "The Reveal"
Title
True I could have called this "Revenge of Lucie" but if gives the plot away. I like the name and its meaning plays into a "scene" I imagined.
Throwback
Another throwback to LL where Mr. Fierro remembers that Clara can swim and Lucie can't.
What’s Lucie’s deal
Lucie in a sense has allowed Clara to become her puppet. Lucie can’t feel pain or hunger but she can feel things she’s touched only if she’s touched them before (once again it’s in the notes it doesn’t play a huge part.)
Lucie can however leave and comeback to Clara's body when she wants to. So Mr. Fierro could speak to her if Lucie let him. As for wondering why he would want to speak to Clara I think the reasons come out later but he does somewhat like her.
This is all foreshadowed in LL, In chapter 4
". . .and those desperate dark souls who so wish to be human again, reach in and try to posses an innocent body . ..”"Don't read to much into the full quote
Red Herring
I did throw in a little red herring in chapter 4 with the "C" necklace, it was actually a Chanel Necklace. Also, In chapter one Clara originally says "I won't be here when you get back" but I removed it because I felt it was a little to obvious.
Comments
In one comment someone notice that Clara was a bit distant from her sisters and it is because she has a new "appreciation" for her life. Mr. Fierro kind of points this out when he says.
"Martin often commented on how his daughter had not been the same after the accident, she could be distant and quiet, always reading he would say. She was somewhat rebellious and constantly causing a strain on her father. A disgraceful daughter by his count."
Another commenter commented on the "age" difference between Edward/Bella and Mr. Fierro/Clara, I found it a little humorous because in the bare bones of LL Mr. Fierro was born in 1869 and was related to Clara but that never set well with me. . .
Chapter 6
This is the longest chapter yet, It's got a different flow I don't know. . .
Playlist
Today's playlist features (in no particular order) A song we've heard before, A popular movie score, a song by a artist who has a place named after him in the story, music that's appeared on One Tree Hill and one wild card song !
- +1+ - Embraced - Paul Cardall
- +2+ - Hurt - NIN piano tribute
- +3+ - Always - Peter Bradley Adams
- +4+ - Lex Aterna - Paul Schwartz
- +5+ - Tubular Bells - Mike Oldfield
Chapter 6 (Aftermath)
Are you a spy now ? That is the section. Did you use some kind of archiving website ?!
ReplyDeleteIf only I could figure out all your secrets in HoF!
I love it when the people commenting are on to something. Although how is Mr. F born in 1869 ? I thought he was born in 1923 and died in 1954 at age 25 ?
ReplyDeleteI was more curious as to why Lucie would let Fierro talk to Clara. Isn't Lucie jealous of her ?
ReplyDeleteIt is kind of answered in this chapter with Lucie wanting the perfect family.
*ignore my comment !* You were talking about when you were in the planning stages, I thought when you said bare bones you meant when you take away all the plot of the story and just concentrate on the two of them.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how Mr. F came off as strong and powerful in LL but, in this his pretty much powerless. He needs to shut Lucie down.
ReplyDeleteWow, that Lucie chick really needs to read He's Just Not That Into You. I mean srsly,it would move the story along.
ReplyDeleteI was going to ask why Mr. Fierro is always drinking. Remy in the last chapter and wine in this one. It is either because he is stressed or because he is to classy for non-alcoholic beverages.
ReplyDelete^^
ReplyDeleteMaybe the alcohol keeps him in good spirits
. . . yeah, I went there. *dies from chessiness*
I am still being creeped out by the whole situation. I feel so bad for Clara.
I feel bad for Clara too. I mean maybe if she got a chance to hit that (Mr. Fierro) while she was conscious or something it would make it worth it.
ReplyDeleteMr. F's not even trying to ease her pain.
*off to look at shiba inu puppies to cheer up*
I see a big theme of this being revenge. I feel like these characters need to learn forgiveness because there vengeance is hurting Clara, who is essentially innocent in this whole thing.
ReplyDeleteI may be bias but, with all the characters being helpless I'm waiting for Emile to swing in and save the day.
ReplyDeleteI love the little thing you did with the music, I played a little guessing game. You should do that everytime.
ReplyDeleteDear Lile,
ReplyDeleteCobalt as a company loves you as a writer and a person and we wish you the best. Your writing has obviously inspired a lot of our employees and readership. And we can forgive a misplaced comma and a misspelled mispelled but, did you really just not capitalize the word Bible ? I mean, it's the name of a book.
Love, Joel
^
ReplyDeleteJSYK I did not cosign to that above argument. Unless you get JB's subtle humor.
Why exactly does Clara state : "My life and body weren't mine but maybe they never were"
ReplyDeleteIs it because she came back from the dead or something ?
I think the only way this story can be told is with multiple narrators. I love that concept for this. It works better here than it did in Spirits, IMO. If you didn't you'd end up with Mr. F having many long monolouge/chapter like he did in LL.
ReplyDeleteI think Lucie is so insane, she has made her choice now, she needs to let Clara. Could she put her spirit in like a dying body and be like a zombie ? Or is that in the threequel . . .
ReplyDeleteShe thinks her parents are going to believe she went to a nunnery to get out of marrying some guy ? That is so Shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the note, how did Clara know Mr. F never delivered it ?
ReplyDeleteMaybe he didn't deliver it because he has a plan to get her out.
I'm a bit confused by this passage
ReplyDelete"Lucie loved going to church and showing off her new jewels."
"I believe it was the lifestyle she didn't approve of."
"Is that you never left. . . before ?", I pushed my limits but he appeared to be in a rare mood to talk.
"Yes, I suppose. Except for the trips to the library to meet Lucie."
What lifestyle didn't she approve of and what does that have to do with Mr. F never leaving the house ?
oooh, they are playing Chess. I know that must mean something but, I have never been one to understand chess.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Lucy is one crazy batsh*t mofo. I know that is a bit much but, the broken fingers ? That is unforgivable, I don't think Lile can change my opinion about Lucie but, I will see.
ReplyDeleteSomething about that part where Mr. F puts her across his lap and paints blood on her is kind of hot. . . and not in a kinky non-con kind of way because I mean she saw him so she let him do it . . . I mean, right ?
ReplyDelete^^^
ReplyDeleteIf I were better at disgusing my user name and identiy I would say, ITA. (;
^^
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll make like a tangent and co-sign to the above !
All these mind games between the Delunes is just awesome, it adds tension. I think the only way to solve this is to kill them all off.
I think it's interesting that Clara is so quick to trust what Mr. Fierro is saying. However I agree with Emile_Lover, at this point the story is still in retrospect so, Emile could be the lynchpin !
ReplyDeleteI still need to figure out how Joshua fits into this. Maybe he isn't in fact a boy but someone who is dead taking over his body . . . like maybe Victor from LL.
ReplyDeleteI imagined the Delune's would have a nice house but, a house with *3* flags in the yard !
ReplyDeleteIt would have been cute if like Roger was like a aristocratic french soldier or something and met Lucie at the USO in WWII. . . I mean in like an Alternate Universe where Lucie is likeable that is.
So, is Mr. Fierro supposed to be 25 ? I forget how young he is as well sometime. I imagine he would be like 32 but, I guess in reality he is well into his 80s.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think Mr. F would know that they would trace the old style of developing film back to him. I mean, who else does that ?
ReplyDeleteHe needs to watch CSI
I love how you seem to have seamlessely shifted from S&A (which I still want more of ! I love and miss it so much) to HoF because they deal with the complete oppostite of social arenas. I mean Tomfia were at a welfare office in the Bronx while Mr. Delune can just ask for a million dollars to bring his daughter back.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I like the people living on love, a hope and a dream better.
^
ReplyDeleteA S&A and HoF crossover story would be so epic, I can barely stand it,lol.
Where you always going to use the exorcist score or did you get the idea from some of the last comments. Hearing that kind of freaked me out.
ReplyDeleteAlthough in that section, Mr.Fierro was acting more Sweeney Todd-ish than Emily Rose.
ReplyDelete@ Shawna - Oh, really ! I feel smart. I can't find the mistake though.
@ July - Oh, I was talking about the original outline that I discarded. He was born in 1930 and died in 1955.
@ Tabby - Yes, and there is a little more
@ Carleigh - Hm
@ Erik - A somewhat sensible comment. I'm surprised
@ Hpgirl - Oh, there is a reason
@ Brooklyn - (:
@ Violeta - (:
@ Emile - He will come back into the story
@ Sugarcookie - I do, but this time it was less obvious
@ Cobalt - Oh, but SH can write about an atheist
@ Illia - She is sort of going off her family controlling her life like she does in chapter 2 or 3.
@ Rosie34 - That long monologue was intentional.
@ Tara - I can tell you that there is no sequel.
@ Quinn - Her parents are actually not that smart
@ W. Carey - "She" is doing that thing again where she is telling the story and forgets to go in order.
@ Ellen - It might help to Wiki : Plain People Highlight the whole separation from the world bit. It actually gives context as to why he never left the farm in the 1950's
@ Princess - Clara's not playing hehehe. . .
@ Jason & W.F - I've always wanted to use the whole "getting crap past the non-radar", because she is technically unconscious.
@ Diana - To late to take suggestions
@ Harper - I don't think you understand what you are on to
@ Ashlyn - Well Mrs. DeLune isn't an American citizen.You guys are loving the AU ideas. I rather like them too.
@ icedcoffee - Right, he was born in 1930 and died in 1955. He *is* 25 but quite literally is 77. Which means he is technically 55 years older than Clara.
@ peacegoddess - are we forgetting CSI isn't real ? Plenty of people develop film the old fashion way.
@ Daisy - hm, I wouldn't say they are to different
@ cherryblossom - maybe for fun, IDK
@ Ms. Lovett - I had already chosen it ! (shouldn't it be Mrs. Lovett ?)